my students in tears

As I was reflecting on the day, it occurred to me that three of my students were in tears during the last two days. At first, I thought, they all seemed to be crying for very different reasons. The first one cried because I wrote his name on the board with an X. In my classes this means that you have passed the warning and are on your way to a note home or extra homework. This is a student who seems a little odd a lot of the time and he was quite upset that his name was now on the board. He was so upset that he was out of his seat in the front of the room holding up the class. After some comforting and urging that we would talk about it later during recess, he returned to his seat and we proceeded. He cried as we continued. The second student in tears was a different story. In my classes, I like students to help each other, but I tend to get frustrated when I see one student writing on another's paper, or giving the other a direct answer. At some point during this first grade class while I was helping someone, I looked over and saw one girl writing the answer for someone else, so I responded by quickly grabbing the pencil and lifting it out of reach. The girl's small hand stayed clenched around the pencil as she instinctively resisted until she realized it was I who had taken the pencil. I also added a sharp, "do not write on someone else's paper!" She turned and went straight to her desk, tears welling in her eyes. She was unable to work for the most of the rest of class. When I realized I had snapped and that she had not deserved the harsh grabbing of the pencil and sharp words, and that her tears were undeserved, I felt sad for her. She is one who cried during the first few days of class because she didn't know what was going on. I couldn't figure out why she was crying until one of the other teachers told me. She has since then come a long way and I think she really loves my class. I am certain that she thought she was really helping and was proud of it--but then I quickly dashed that and humiliated her. I tried to apologize in her language and console her as her face was in her arms on her desk. The third student was also in first grade. I had asked him many times to stop talking and other times to return to his seat. He had three Xs by his name. During free hour at the end of the day I wrote up the note that would go home with him. When classes ended, I had to find him through the window on the bus. He was excited to see me and I greeted him with the normal handshake and smile and How are you? that we learned in class. Then I showed him the note and began gently explaining that I wanted him to take it home, show his parents and bring it back with their signature and his. I watched his eyes brim with water and begin to run down his face. Here is a student who is such a joy. He is sponsored to come to the school and he loves to be there. On other occasions, after he had been corrected, he showed great remorse. And here, too, I could see that he was sorry for what he had done. I loved him all the more when I saw the tears and I encouraged him that it was okay and had him repeat after me that he was sorry and that he would be better tomorrow. Then I hugged him and he left for home with some sadness and wet cheeks.

The innocence of these children is a wonder to me. These moments have opened me up even more to the children under my care. I know God requires much of us as teachers, but he is merciful and patient as we make mistakes. The students show that best, I think. The first student came to me during the recess immediately after class and apologized for what he had done to deserve his name being on the board and agreed (whether he really understood it or not, I'm not sure) to handle himself differently next time--then he gave me a big hug and ran off. The second girl at whom I had snapped, came to me on her own at the end of class and asked me about the assignment and was looking me in the eyes again and I had the chance to put my arms around her. And as I mentioned about the third boy--his apology came already before his words. What a series of rich events. I had to share them with you. Praise God for his love for us, for his providing of all of our needs, and for his mercy and patience as we stumble and fall and come before him with tears in our eyes asking for his love and acceptance once again.